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Vandal Scandal Paints Trump a Pool Fool.

I was convinced someone was eating out of the peanut butter jar until my husband pointed out there was no dirty spoon. And he's right: no one in my house would be considerate enough to clean and put away the spoon.

The best parenting advice that I can give is some battles are not worth fighting.

When I finally get to sit down and enjoy my morning cup of coffee after taking care of everyone else, that's like the best 30 seconds of my day.

Mr. Whiskers' current sleeping position.

Ok I guess I'm doing this: Ditz Emotional Intelligence Improv Snitty Trash talk Honorable mention to dramedy for my writing.

I finally touched grass and it was slimy and my pants are dirty and why are people advocating for this?

Son: You know how if you step on a nail you have to get a tetanus shot? Me: Yes. Son: Why don't you need one when they put a needle in you? Me: Because the needle is sterilized. Son: So if I sterilized a nail and stepped on it, I wouldn't need a tetanus shot? - Teenage logic.

Me: I know they call this a hearing, but are you really listening? Judge: You are in contempt. Me, being hauled off to jail: I think you are just projecting your feelings, Your Honor!