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I regret to inform you that we have reached the “Broadmoor is a holiday camp” stage of right-wing discourse.

I’m sorry who

Can anybody offer any reassurances re our new Justice Secretary? While the lowest of bars, I would really like somebody less dangerously incompetent than David Lammy, if at all possible.

This is very disappointing. Such an important and undervalued brief which was for years held by a succession of uninterested itinerants. A prisons minister who genuinely cared and who was starting to see results.

A tacky, neverending festival of self-congratulation and rampant commercialism, which has only served to detract from the football. That’s right - mea culpa for the daily World Cup reminders that the ebook of #TheCutThroatTrial is only 99p. We are all now freed. www.amazon.co.uk/Cut-Throat-T...

Beayoutiful

DISALLOW THAT ONE GIANNI!

Inject that Enzo Fernandez red card directly into my veins

Gabby: What was your highlight of the half time show? Wayne Rooney: When it finished. I thought it was crap. 10/10 punditry. No notes.

Now beginning to understand why they banned fans from bringing bottles with them.

Bring back the muppets

While in the name of football, we all want the obvious team to win, there would also be something entirely fitting about this World Cup - defined by shameless corruption, pervasive greed, institutional cowardice and flagrant racism - being won by a team of outright cheats.

It’s just all so disgustingly tacky and utterly soulless.