Профиль

if they didn't want me to take a lil sip of the liquid ant bait, they wouldn't put it in the same pull-tab bottles as kool-aid bursts

the bees and wasps are getting a little too comfortable with landing on my ears. i need to implement consequences

regulating online safety is so important. that's why in the near future you'll be required to submit a sound-on orgasm video to the FBI as collateral every time you access your property manager's rent payment portal

how are you going to spend your remaining two years to live? i think i'll just keep doing my usual stuff

my co-star said don't leftovers

god gave me bisexuality and every day i waste his gift by choosing mid-century postmodern american literature over sucking and fucking

if everyone reading this screams as loud as they can for five uninterrupted seconds we can maybe get a write-up in the local news about "the post that makes you scream when you read it"

i'm worried i'll lose the rap battle, so over the last month i've been slowly rap poisoning my opponent

if you're a woman they only let you buy books about orcs getting fingered in coffee shops. i walked up to the counter with swann's way and the cashier attacked me with a hammer

my most toxic trait has got to be my retractable venomous barbs

my dream husband watches 9 hours of northernlion vods every day and quotes them at me when i get home from work

me and the boys didn't know what to talk about so i threw up on the floor and they all had a lot to say about it

i'm so exhausted... but i don't want to sleep through 1/3rd of my life. i want to be present in the moment for the whole thing

i'm making big moves but in a way that's hard for you guys to care about

i'm not clicking for 2 blessings from the Computer Angel. i don't think i deserve them

don't worry guys i'm cleaning all the gunk off my 1/2" gauge earrings

i wore my running shoes to work in case i need to run

the lloyd center isn't a dead mall, it's just that it's only alive with amateur photographers who still post liminal space backrooms aura content on instagram

there was a spider the size of my thumb right above my bed so i decided not to sleep tonight

bro you are like a guy to me