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ME: man the high end on these guitar tracks seems really fizzy and harsh [listens to some of my favorite metal tracks on my fancy mixing headphones] oh it's fine actually, guitars just Sound Like That when you pay close attention

poptimism was an op by the music industry. pop fucking sucks and if people dug even the tiniest bit deeper than charli, taylor, and whoever the latest disney-owned lab grown starlet is their lives would be a thousand times richer

[walking into the comatorium] man if they try to de-louse me in here I am gonna be PISSED OFF

Air guitar electronica graphics tablet stressed-out macchiato

He fell over mid-gallop

Ah, the process of aging. A bittersweet mixture of acquired wisdom and the slow, stately decay of- GUY BACKING UP DELIVERY TRUCK: WHERE Y'ALL WANT ME TO DUMP THIS EAR HAIR

WOE (he is fine just sleeping)

picking "basic chanel" as your DJ name is cheeky bordering on blasphemous

there is a new cat in the neighborhood who is super friendly and utterly unbothered by dogs. ollie got to say hi today and had no idea what to do. total "middle school boy talking to a girl" energy lmao

got conflicting advice from three different medical professionals in the span of 24 hours, this is the shittiest hat trick I've ever pulled off

the only problem with the weird watermelon coffee is now everything else I put through the grinder tastes like watermelon coffee

[watching a grainy video clip of a Bigfoot sighting] the way those testicles are swinging…that’s no human

DOCTOR: I’m sorry sir, but you’re too smart. There is no treatment. You must continue to suffer under the burden of your brilliance so that the rest of us may look to you as an ideal for which to strive ME: okay

Haha just kidding I signed up at the walk in clinic so I could run some jokes past the doctor. I’m normal

Finally talking to a doctor about my mental health [doctor readying a sledgehammer behind my head]

patreon laying off 20% of its staff is probably fine, actually, and not something to worry about

how many people do you think mrbeast has watched die while maintaining that creepy smile that never reaches his eyes