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I actually wrote testicles first time by mistake. Maybe would’ve worked better.

My Dad (and therefore the rest of us) got Everton 80 years ago when his games teacher in Liverpool divided the class into red and blue. That random assignment has nearly been the end of him on too many occasions to count.

Loved it!

Could’ve been worse. I’d originally written testicles by mistake.

Terrifying

Oh I’d NEVER do that to Nigel Havers #nationaltreasure

And we’re not going to get anything done during the next heatwave

Might be the dear friend who asked I sell pictures of my feet?

I mean he could have meant Nigel Havers for all they know. Plausible deniability.

HUGE surprise that Palantir’s tool hasn’t improved hospital discharge rates. Their business model isn’t about delivering a service - its only objective is wrapping its tentacles so comprehensively around our systems that they become the permanent gatekeeper to all our problems. Andy - get on it!

Day 8 in the Big Brother house and Andrew is reflecting on his life choices

Mystery solved! 🤣

Had always thought well of him. You’ve directed me to his recent trans position. Thank you

Whilst you are at it, please could you also do socks. Where do they all go?

Darren Grimes proving yet again there’s no depth he won’t sink to. He manages to brush past the horrific attack on Berlin’s Pride march, twist it into an anti-Muslim talking point, then somehow cast himself and his allies as the victims, all while continuing to punch down at the LGBTQ+ community.

Don’t forget Farage either winning against a bin or losing to a bin.

I’ve been growing this blueberry bush for about 3 years. This is my first and only harvest. I’m buggered when the apocalypse comes aren’t I?

Britain derangement syndrome. He’s like spurned lover. Obsessed with us because we never loved him back.

Explaining a joke is like performing an autopsy: you find out how it worked, but it’s definitely dead.