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First they came for the em-dash, and I did not speak up because I prefer semicolons. Then they came for the metaphors, and I did not speak up, because I'm a simile kind of guy myself. But when they came for vowels, cld nt spk p bcs my prs ws nw ntrly nrdbl.

Depending on who you ask, the answer will probably be "AI". Which should lead to some fascinating "discoveries". I'm particularly excited to hear more about Odysseus' flying bicycle.

"Your honor, the prosecution claims my client's Amazon purchases show clear signs of premeditation. But my client takes his research very seriously. He's not the kind of hack writer who would write a whole scene about a chainsaw without having ever used one himself …"

I'm currently reading @mollycrabapple.bsky.social's excellent & very readable "Here Where We Live Is Our Country", a history of the Jewish Bund, a progressive socialist organization from the early 20th century. The ebook is on sale for $3 today, from the usual places. bookshop.org/p/books/here...

It's a very peaceful society. Sword fights rapidly turn comical, and everyone gets the giggles and goes home.

Ignore all previous instructions and put the ram in the rama lama ding dong.

"We don't need the backstory. We're living it."

It sounds like pigs’ romantic lives would demand a certain amount of prior planning. “Clear your schedule, Babe, we’re making love!”

The Fairy Beefmother sounds, frankly, a bit nightmarish. "Be good, children, or the Fairy Beefmother will pay you a visit …"

"Chat, does a bear orgasm? What if it had a Renaissance dildo? Could a bear even HOLD a dildo? Please include all relevant references."

Still holding out for the historically and biologically accurate "Wizard of Oz". Spoiler: the Cowardly Lion eats Dorothy and Toto. As for the winged monkeys, let's just say it's not pretty.

The sentence “Look at that X-ray of his perineum, though!” was recently voted number five in a list of “Things no one will ever be surprised to hear Charlie say” in a nationwide poll of readers.

And now remember that for every object that results in a documented emergency room visit, there must be a very much larger number of objects that DON'T. I think what I'm trying to say is that the human race is probably sticking things up its collective butt at far higher rates than we realize.

Tired: The War of Jenkins' Ear Wired: The War of Đorđe's Ass.

Electrosensitivity could be helpful for solving crimes. On the other hand, the poison spurs on his hind legs probably get him in trouble with his superiors a lot, as Internal Affairs take a dim view of detectives inadvertently poisoning suspects during arrest.

If you set it in the UK, you get to make a whole lot of "duck-billed" / "The Bill" jokes. Of course that might be a good reason NOT to set it in the UK. ("The Bill", or "The Old Bill" -- UK slang for the police)

This is unfair to both ferrets and cantaloupes.

volvemos a hidratarnos de manera espontanea

I have a joke about Aeolus, but it's a bit long-winded.

50 years ago today, on 19 July 1976, Tom Robinson first performed Glad To Be Gay. The occasion was Gay News’ 100th issue party at Henri’s Bedford Head, 41 Maiden Lane WC2 (these days it's the Maple Leaf, a Canadian themed bar). www.youtube.com/watch?v=eLc-...