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It's weird how many bad days I've had can be traced to bad sandwiches

You know you're learning the real nitty gritty of a job when the person training you tells you that a specific area is a great place to hide a body.

Man having big cartoon eyeballs would suck in real life. Just think about all the stuff you bump into on a daily basis. Now imagine bumping a giant eyeball into those things.

Oh to be a kobold with a big hat playing a banjo for a dragon.

I got into an argument with someone over whether or not lava is free.