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Is there a greater feat in adulthood than conquering a stainless steel pan?

There’s nothing elementary schools like more than Jersey Day

I once had hundreds of tiny lil fish eat all the dead skin off my feet at a little shop in barTHAlona so i can celebrate this, right?

2yo: where’s gregor? Me: mr mcgregor is right there 2yo: he’s a monster. a big monster. Me: well to him, peter is the monster. 2yo: peter monster?

In today’s edition of modern parenting is impossible: it’s water day at 6yo’s camp. So towels, change of clothes, swimsuit. It’s also fort building day. So sheets, blankets. IT’S ALSO ‘anything but a backpack day’. For real. 🤷🏼‍♀️

My most elder millennial thought: Some people really need to put down their phones and grab a beer bong

Alberto’s parking lot. Not only were the rolled tacos top notch but you could find out where the best house party was for the night.

Was the brief and sudden illness the explosive diarrhea disease because that would be a nice touch

5pm? This game is anti west coast mom

6 yo invented a new game: soccer, but with 3 goalies. 2 of them are just doing the normal goalie things but 1 is unaffiliated with either team and just roams the field growling and trying to scoop up the ball. Unclear what they do with it when they get it.

The 6 yo and i have been making very low effort paper flags for each team we are cheering for

But isnt it an important part of childhood/adolescence to learn that doritos + cheez wiz BURNS

What is fifa doing having this game during bedtime when i’m solo parenting. It’s 6:57 every parent i know is fighting for their lives getting youngest kids asleep we deserve to see red cards as they happen!

Without downloading new pics, describe your gender in one image

It’s 9:30am. Welcome to pilates. Did you just drop multiple kids at multiple schools/camps and are burning with a thousand flames of mom rage? Prepare to dominate.

2 yo: there’s no ladies in my crib Me: there’s no ladies in your crib? 2 yo: yeah Me: right. Yeah. There’s no ladies in your crib 2 yo: we’ll leave them out

I’m so grateful my kids have a lot of friends but can we please go back to 2023 when all bday parties were ‘no presents please’ because this is getting out of hand. These are the kids i’ve had to buy presents for for just may-early july.

This is how americans learned to do lines of coke off the back of public bathroom toilets. None of us would have thought of this on our own. But our 7th grade DARE officer made sure we damn well knew it.

An example of why modern parenting is impossible: today my 2.5 year olds dentist told me to chop broccoli and then wait 40-90 mins before i steam it in order to properly activate sulforaphane, a previously unknown to me chemical i didnt know we needed to optimize.

It absolutely rules having a big sporting event that i enjoy in the usa because i can catch parts of lots of the games while my kids are at school. Like i love soccer, and tennis and that’s about it but not enough to ever wake up early/stay up late.