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Now I'm imagining the Tooth Fairy doing a "SoftBank Golden Goose"-style powerpoint presentation about teeth. "Mouth was not valued!"

I mean, in that scenario, who says neigh?

The Ivy League is tea

Popped like a balloon

I spent the rest of the game reading through the rules like they would eventually make more specific sense. Nope. I tried writing a reply with what I'd learned like 3 times, but in the end I couldn't ask someone to read it. It's so useless that *I* don't even want to know it!

From the IFAB website: "After the referee has reviewed the replay footage, the penalty kick is cancelled and an indirect free kick is awarded to the defending team. The attacking player who was guilty of simulation must be cautioned (yellow card, YC) for unsporting behaviour."

Studiously counting out the official ranking of my team on my fingers while the fools around me hold up their index finger to *inaccurately* indicate that "we're #1" Also, huge news for my ancestors that the vikings didn't row. Must've been aliens coming up the rivers to do all that raiding!

I finally have an idea for a community contract...

Pop-Warner tier

It was kind of Genesis to let him go into exile

Mike (O'Malley) gave a fantastic commencement speech at UNH once. I think about it often but rarely get chances to bring it up, so I'm taking my shot. It was a great speech, Mike!

"Congrats [recipient] on winning 'Least Open Business 2026'. Please send us $5000 to process the fees of adding this incredible news to our website."

I just assume this is some way to get around the Clippers salary cap?

WOAH, hey! Let's not say things we can't take back!

Surprised they're not in Dallas, because this is a Big XII game.

In fairness to Avert, I have never been able to think about Choco Tacos since without going "Owh! Choco Taco!"

We had to make commercials in my high school Multimedia class, and Avert Guldemond made one for Choco Taco that started with him going "Owh! Choco Taco!" and then just a long close-up of him messily eating it. It ended, our teacher took a beat, and went "I thought that was going to be anything else"

Obviously emergency evacuation instructions are also NOT press releases. I'm giving the benefit of the doubt that this person's experience is advertising golf tournaments. But even then, you still wouldn't write it like this! This has the structure of announcing a category at an awards ceremony!

I'm glad it ended before they could shoot one of their own players like the Empire starting the Ghorman massacre.