Sherry Turkle has some great interviews about this from the 80s. Men who preferred tinkering with computers over dating because they knew women were humans with their own desires who have autonomy and deserve respect. E.g. they might not agree on a restaurant, and these men had no desire to impose.
Berna Devezerno one is promised easy answers, unmistakeable telltales, happy endings. we do not have a right to demand interaction or connection. even utmost kindness, sensitivity, humility, openness, patience, effort, and compromises can't entitle you to a relationship. you don't treat humans like commodities.