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The concept of killing two birds with one stone became popular during the Great Stone Shortage of 1687.

Love is Love is Love.

Vincent Pastore from The Sopranos has died. I couldn't remember his full name so I just searched Google for his character name "Big Pussy." Rest in peace to Mr. Pastore and to my algorithm.

Sopranos: Pussy Bonpensiero's Funny FaceAlt: Sopranos: Pussy Bonpensiero's Funny Facestatic.klipy.com

Jeanine Pirro has a worse winning percentage in court than the Washington Generals against the Harlem Globetrotters. And now she's pissed off the Tangerine Toddler and he is dragging her brutally online And, to think, I thought I had lost the ability to experience Joy. 😁

They call it "Clean and Jerks" but it seems to me that you should Jerk and then Clean.

My Doctor wants me to go on Ozempic. I asked him if there were any other options. He said I could rent out my ass as an IMAX screen.

I sent a friend a brief text letting her know I'm on my way: "I'm off." She replied that all of our mutual friends agreed and that they had been planning an Intervention and she told me that acceptance was the first step.

I've decided to replace the negative voice in my head perseverating over past mistakes with a kindly, wise old lady who says, "You ain't got time to worry about that no more, Baby. You're no spring chicken."

The ultimate participation trophy.

Me: It's the little things that matter. Her: I know, but I didn't expect it to be THAT little.

Things I worry about at 3:15 am. Will they ever run out of QR codes? Missing a tackle against Dobbs Ferry high School in 1977.

Translator, Emily Wilson has stated that Oppenheimer would have worked better as a musical.

My Medicare coverage just kicked in which is kind of funny considering I have the impulse control of a three-year-old toddler who just had 4 bowls of Cap’n Crunch and the sense of humor of a 12-year-old schoolboy with his first copy of Mad magazine.

Ice Pick Usage Statistics: Picking Ice: 1% Nefarious Purposes: 99%

Number of sides on a box: 6 Number of sides on a box with a frozen entree inside when you're looking for the microwave directions: 842

Of course I eat my deep fried Twinkies with a knife and a fork. What do you take me for some type of country bumpkin?

I survived the Hula Hoop craze. I imagine I will survive the Hot Honey fad.

My therapist noted I seemed angry at the entire world and I replied "Only the part with people on it."

When I got to first grade and was admonished for misspelling "school" my distrust of the lies we are fed by corporations began.

I believe the word "bollocks" is tragically underused in the United States.