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I hope this email doesn't find you. That you've escaped. That you're free.

t.me/EverythingNo...

Me on a random Tuesday: I'm gonna move the microwave. I don't know where to yet... but it has to move. My sanity demands it!

*me putting some unsee drops into my eyes after people watching for too long*

I hate how your family just stops giving you money for your birthday as you get older. Like I need it more now than when I was 7 Susan I'm starving

Me: *Having an intrusive thought and shaking my head to show the mind readers I don't approve.*

*Shuts down laptop.* I think that's enough internet for today. *Picks up phone* Let's see what the pocket-sized internet is doing.

I need shazam where it tells me the name of this person I've met four or so times.

Me: *Gets pulled on stage at a concert in my thirties* Lead singer: Are you ready to rock? Me: Ok, so that was right in my ear.

Goes without saying 😌

No one talks about the attatchment to the first book that made you an avid reader

Don't wait til death to tell people how you feel. Tell them to fuck off now.

Eating the second cookie because I ate the first one absentmindedly and didn't appreciate it enough

The best part about being alive, is that sometimes, there's a dog

Me driving at 3am: "ooooh, what a fun little adventure" Seeing another car on the road at 3am: "the fuck are you up to you shady bastard"

Haven't seen anyone say "2026 is going to be my year" Ya'll scared this time.

When someone tells me they love my personality but I don't know which one they're reffering to

I love when doctors say "avoid stress" like I can just unsubscribe from economy and become a decorative gargoyle

Unfortunately i do enjoy being ruder to someone who was rude to me first